Today, I appear I haven't write xanga more than one year already........

In this year, I have a change.......
I abandon my relationship with him....I'm not sure this decide is right or not.....I don't know this situation why we had....I just think if we hold on this state, I feel painful....so I want to stop.....

"I really not love him?" I ask myself always until now......
I don't know is love or not......but I miss you sometimes...
I feel sad and sorry in this matter....
really sorry.....I'm not on purpose....
I feel hurt also.....I cry when I think of you each time.... but you won't know....
My mind is complicated......

Anyway I can't control everything already.....this is the past....Can not change.....

If you don't need to go abroad, may be the result will not is this.....
You will change the appearance when you comeback, I hope I have a chance to see if we have feeling of affinity...

I will remember whole things between you and me....It is important for me....my favorite memory........
I really feel unfortunately.....

I believe I will get a new life, so this xanga will be close.........
This xanga is my treasure because it has a lot of my experience and life........

Thank you for everyone in my life..........................

前日,凌晨３點幾收到媽咪既電話,打黎都知唔方係好野....
媽話:你即刻黎醫院呀,呀公入左醫院呀.....要叫哂 D屋企人黎......

個心即刻離左一離,死啦...攪咩呀...無端端入醫院.....嚇到我死呀.....
係咪我之前擔心既事出現左呢...?!自己一個住出左事都唔知.....?
之後先知原來係公公覺得呼吸困難,禁左平安鐘,即刻送左佢入醫院
個平安鐘係兩星期前先裝...................所以要感謝天父...

去到醫院,見到公公既第一面,淨係覺得佢好辛苦,雖然佢訓左係床,醫生同護士好似已經做哂野甘....不過,我覺得公公仲係唔OK,仲係好辛苦,甘我就問護士: 佢仲好辛苦喎,無野可以做架啦?仲喘得好勢利喎!!個護士就講左D廢話,之後佢用行動證明俾我睇...佢無再做野....本以為會穩定落黎...

過一陣,個護士話俾D哮喘藥佢聞....之後就出事啦....
公公一直都無哮喘.....個PK護士俾左D野佢聞就PK啦.....

公公情況突然急轉直下.....需要立即進行急救...我既心情又變得沉重起來,我知今次真係好嚴重.....
眼見有幾名醫生急急衝入病房....都肯定係為左我呀公......
過左一陣,護士問邊個係公公個仔?....心想: 大件事....要長子出馬....死囉..
之後我同家姐緊張既緣故都入埋去...由於醫生盡力搶救既關係..無人理我地住....

醫生出黎問左D公公日常生活既問題,想知道突發原因係咩....
公公日常生活一向好正常,一向好好氣,成日都鬧人,仲生猛過D後生既.....
無理由呼吸困難架喎.....

醫生同我地講: 我地會盡力搶救,不過,公公既情況好差,可以話係危殆......
公公出現肺積水,心臟衰竭,公公依家仲有心跳,不過無左呼吸....依家需要插喉,利用呼吸機代替
呢幾日係關鍵,佢如果可以維持心跳,加上恢復呼吸能力,就可以OK
之後公公就即刻調到深切治療部........

我擔心到咩都諗唔到...只可以祈禱,求天父既大能,公公千祈唔好失去心跳,否則就連一絲既希望都會無埋........而我只好躲在一旁,流下我忍不住既眼淚......我真係唔想一年之內失去兩個親人呀.......

第二次見公公係深切治療部,我見到佢只係感到心痛...因為佢全身都插滿儀器既管線.....特別係由喉嚨插入肺部既管道......我知道佢一定好唔舒服,會有想嘔既感覺......我地見到佢並無叫佢,因為佢打左麻醉針,叫醒佢只會令佢更辛苦......

睇左一陣我地都離開啦.....因為無人曾休息過......

第二日到醫院公公既情況明顯好轉,我地既心情都總算安心左D,佢依然插著喉..講唔到野,不過佢有知覺,同佢講野會有反應,不過我既眼淚都係忍不住,仲令公公跟我一同流淚....真慚愧...
幸好...老公同我一齊探望公公,佢知道我好傷心,一直緊握我既手.........
當然探望完後還有一堆安慰......真幸運遇到老公你~你永遠都會在我左右保護我....>3<

今日,見到呀公總算放下心頭大石.....因為佢已拔左喉..而且回復返佢既本性....好多野講,又開始講道理同鬧人.....^^仲好好胃口.....
只要情況唔好倒退就好了.......仲有,我寧願你繼續吵吵鬧鬧.......

原來醫院拖延左我公公既診斷,令到公公受到不必要既痛苦....公公痛苦左差不多兩小時先有人理會....在病房一直喘氣....急症室只表示病人已列為入院,不能再干涉....
就係一句說話,拋左個波到其他部門......真係<叻>呀!不知所謂......

媽咪睇住公公喘哂氣都無人理.....就只好於急症室理論.......佢地先識死做D野.....你話係咩醫院......
唉.....我地亦向醫生投訴...表示公公若有事,一定會告醫療失當,因為佢地應負責任.....
佢地雖然延誤治療,不過公公既生命力好強,唔會有事既...福大命大......

我剛剛睇哂我朋友既xanga.....
突然有一種前所未有既"灰"....
好唔開心....眼淚都忍唔住流下.....

睇左一個曾經對我好重要既人既xanga....
先知道原來你過左L.A.
突然之間我有d掛住你呀,有d唔捨得你.....
掛住你同我一齊打牌...由唔係好識打到依家打得比我更叻......
掛住你既笑話....對我黎講就算唔係笑話既都變成笑話....
掛住你曾經同我相處過既日子...你同我有好多開心既回憶.....
當然,終歸都係以前既事~不過,我同你friend係永遠既事~
原來一直既你都進步緊....我就繼續原地踏步....
以前既我知道你既一舉一動...依家既我對你既事卻一無所知.....
我連目標都未有呀...未來既路點行都唔知呀.....但你已經向目標進發啦......
我同你真係相差得好遠......
哼......我究竟做緊咩呀....?!
突然之間我真係覺得好迷網呀..............

我發覺我有好多既朋友都變哂啦...
carman去左外國讀書,成個人都唔同左,經驗都豐富左...得益不少
佩敏既變化更大....好似同我所識既完全唔同...無得講話好左定壞左.....
大媽搵到自己既興趣好好發展..努力跳舞........成日見到佢表演既照片......

個個都有唔同既改變....而我真係無變過呀.....無成為一個新既自己呀!!
做任何事都無恆心...曾經學彈琴...不過放棄左
曾經學跳舞....表演完就算...試都唔去報考...又放棄左...
書仲讀緊...不過返學等放學...上堂訓較....
你話俾我知,我做緊咩野呀?!

以前我放棄左好多野呀....
我放棄左我既舊校,我既同學,睇到佢地成班開開心心影相既時候
我發現相入面係無我架.....如果我無走既話,我都會同佢地一樣甘friend....
我放棄左我既興趣,無再跳舞,我無再努力一翻之後上台表演俾人睇...
無再俾人讚:"剛剛既表演好精彩wor~".....如果我無放棄的話,可能我都成為左一個成功既表演者......
我放棄左所有努力既機會....但求一日過一日.......
即將失去既......會係我讀書既學位...............

所有係我面前經過既機會都溜走lu........因為我從未緊握過我的手........
對於我黎講...握緊雙手太難啦......
我力不從心.......

琴日我做左一樣........好醜怪既事........
我究竟做緊咩呢.....?!...v_v...
除左抱歉之外.......我仲可以做d咩.....
都甘多年啦....都係無變....究竟要點做呢....
努力...真係work..?!我唔想付之流水.........
So...............

I DON'T KNOW...............

對於<花樣>我已經毫無留戀 lu~.......所以已經cut左兩段片~

5月8日係cathy 18歲既大日子,我地身為姊妹既梗有出黎慶祝啦~仲玩到2點先返到屋企,第日仲要返學~不過四小花真係玩得好開心~打機打到傻呀......嗌到收唔到聲呀.....打喪屍打昆蟲..呵呵~超正呀!!
我地又食巴西燒烤....食到個肚脹哂......總之就好開心啦~我好快都就係成人啦.....

今日老公終於考哂筆試啦~而且都好似考得幾好~我都好開心~約左今日會出黎見面既~不過我仲特登俾左個surprise佢,走左去筲簊灣官立中學試場門口等佢.........不過佢竟然估到少少我會黎.......之後就一齊去食M記..上左佢屋企~本身想去睇spider man架...不過無哂飛又無場....所以無得睇...不過亦約左下星期先去睇~keke~^u^
差唔多成個月無見啦~好掛住佢呀~今日終於見到啦~呵呵~超高興!!!佢經過成個月既努力,需要昏迷一日休息一下~所以6點幾就走左 lu~雖然唔捨得...不過我地下星期又可以見啦~呵呵!!^0^

^^你考哂試,我再同你慶祝啦老公~!!加油呀>3<